IIplanned on doing my best blog entry yet!  On the top of my ten page ‘to do’ list it says in capital letters BLOG FOR MAY 12^TH – RELFECTIONS ON 16 YEARS MOTHERHOOD.  Well it’s May 11^th and I am just sitting down to do this.  What got in my way of accomplishing this important goal? Motherhood. I have been too busy this past week trying to be a great mother to find the time to write thoughtfully on motherhood.  So this is not what I hoped it would be, but maybe that is a good thing. Learning to just do what you can do, and letting that be enough, is perhaps the most important lesson any us  mothers can learn.

This has been a particularly challenging 5 weeks and one where if I were to look back and give myself a mommy grade, it would not be pretty. It started with a surgery that knocked me out for a bit which meant I did little around the house or for the kids. When I did recover I had to travel to New York City for yet another important meeting for Women Moving Millions, and to receive an award from the Global Fund for Women.  I was thrilled and honored but at the same time there was a dose of guilt for being away, again.  Then it was back to Park City for a quick turnaround.  I had to leave the next day for a one-week trip to Europe with my just turning 16 year old son. I landed from New York sicker than I had been in a while. My planned for evening of bonding with my husband and daughter turned in to me going to bed early with a box of Kleenex.  After a quick trip to the doctor the next morning where I begged for medication it was off to the airport and a red-eye to Paris, a layover, and on to Berlin.  We landed around 5 pm the next day and I had plugged ears, a dripping nose and a sore throat. Let the fun begin!

Though the first few days were tough because I was so sick the trip was really wonderful. I had never been to Berlin before and to be there with my son was truly special. Paris is well, Paris. What’s not to like? I ate about 50 croissants. The plane time home was spent catching up on hundreds of answered emails, prepping for a Women Moving Millions board meeting, and oh yes, trying to write two entirely different keynote speeches I had to deliver the next week.  I had tried to forget how much I had to do and it all came flooding back to me on the plane.  I landed on Saturday exhausted, stressed, and jet lagged.

I did my best to push all of that aside and have a quality day with the family before facing what lied ahead for the week.  Monday was the four-hour board meeting, Tuesday was the key-note to a group in Salt Lake City, then the next on Friday morning to over 500 amazing women in Boston.  I rushed from there to catch a flight to New York for another important meeting and a long time planned film weekend with my husband.  We almost never go away together so this was special. I had considered us cancelling it as I had been away so much, but we decided we really needed the time to just be together.  On the way to meet me my husband got some news about one of our kids that almost led him to turn right around and head home.   Together we decided, no everything would be fine, and we ended up having a great weekend to return home on Sunday last.  And it was.

Aside from the week I took away for quality one on one time with my son, which by the way was a piece of advice I got early, it was a month where taking care of me, and working took priority.  So when I got back last Sunday I promised myself that I would work no more than I had to, try to exercise, and spend as much time as possible with the kids.

It started Sunday with a nice family dinner.  Monday it was a meeting with my son’s teacher followed by a 2 hour drive, each way, for my daughters soccer game.  Tuesday it was driving to and from a bass lesson for my son and a home cooked meal. Wednesday was a truly special day, my son’s 16^th birthday, though the celebration is waiting until after his AP tests are over which are happening next week. Thursday it was International Night at my daughter’s school, which meant preparing a dish from our ethnic heritage for 20-30, being at the school by 5, and staying until 8:30.   Friday it was driving my son to and from his music lesson and entertaining distant relatives that were paying us a visit for the first time. Today? Mommy/daughter time – garage sales, pedicures and now a soon to start soccer game that is ONLY a 50 minutes drive away.  Mommy score for this week? An A. Work score for the week, a C.  That said I did manage to have 20+ hours of calls on this, that an every other thing. The balls stayed in the air.

Before I had kids I truly did not get it. I had no idea how much of a commitment it would be and I am so grateful, beyond grateful, that I have a spouse, a partner, who is truly a GREAT dad.  In terms of time spent with children, things done for the kids, he often runs circles around me.  It took a while for me to accept that my husband may indeed be a better parent to our children than I am, but I have come to the realization that parenting cannot be a competition.  That is a recipe for disaster. You each do your best and if that best does not equal 50/50 all the time, so be it.

Same is true for motherhood in general.  When my son was young and I was working full-time at Goldman trying to keep up with stay-at-home mothers brought my to tears on more that one occasion.  I specifically remember going with him to a birthday party where the theme was PIRATES. The mother had made a cake that truly looked like a pirate ship. The house was themed out and her son’s costume? Home made and exquisite.  My son could not stop talking about it and I spent about an hour huddled up in a ball questioning whether it was at all possible to have a career and a family.

Do I think I am a good mother? Yes I do.  Do I, at times, still beat myself up about the choices I have made and continue to make? Yes I do.  Do I wonder if my kids might be somehow better, whatever the heck that means, if I had spent even more time with them? Yes I do. But I also know that one of the most important things I can teach my children is that while prioritizing their needs is incredibly important, it is also important to serve others to the best of your ability. It is also important to honor who you are as a person, what gives you joy and contentment, and not be so busy doing for others that you start resenting your choices.  I try to live by the adage that “to those to which much has been given, much is expected.” The challenge is, as it will always be, balancing it all.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! My wish for all of us is that we take the time, today, to just be. To put the to do list away and spend time doing something that gives us joy, whatever that may be. For me it will be spending time with my kids, my husband, my friends, and of course, my dogs! It is going to be one big love fest.

I was honored to be recognized alongside Novo Foundation CEO Jennifer Buffett, with the Global Philanthropist Award.  It’s purpose is to celebrate  those who have demonstrated extraordinary leadership and commitment to women’s human rights across the globe. To say that I was humbled to be chosen would be a complete understatement. Also honored were three global activists, Mónica Roa from Colombia, Mozn Hassan from Egypt and Staša Zajovic from Serbialist with the inaugural Charlotte Bunch Human Rights Defender awards. These three women are beyond amazing and truly are what the Global Fund is all about, supporting women leaders around the world.

I deeply believe in the Global Fund for Women’s mission of advancing women’s human rights. While there are many amazing organizations doing amazing work, The Global Fund for Women is truly special. Like me, the Global Fund for Women believes a balanced and holistic approach to women’s advancement is essential. Their approach to directly funding women organizations, connecting them to each other and working to bring about social change from within a society is still very underfunded and quite unique. Yet, this approach- feminist mobilization in civil society- was proven last year by Mala Htun and S. Laurel Weldon to be the most effective strategy in influencing the development of policies for ending violence against women across 70 countries.

The Global Fund for Women has the networks and capacity to reach grassroots organizations and particularly marginalized populations. Over 80% of all grants reach women and girls who live in rural areas or who are especially marginalized, including women living with disabilities, adolescent girls, members of ethnic or religious minority communities, LBTQI women, and refugee women and girls. Since 1987, the Global Fund for Women has given over $100 million in grants and is the largest public foundation advancing the rights of women and girls worldwide.

Their leader is Dr. Musimbi Kanyoro .  In 2011 Dr. Kanyoro joined the Global Fund for Women as their President & CEO. Last year she came to my daughter’s school and spoke to over 500 middle and highs school aged children. Her ability to talk about the difficulties women face around the world while making the topic accessible and comprehensible to all the age groups was remarkable. I believe it is not only her years of experience managing international non-profits but also her nurturing character that makes her the perfect leader for The Global Fund. Not to mention she has two PHDs.

Below please find my brief remarks which followed a touching introduction by my feminist philanthropist leader and dear friend, Barbara Dobkin. I still cannot believe that I shared the stage with so many incredible women, including Hilary Clinton.  Getting the opportunity to meet her, listen to her, and have a photo taken together was truly special. I went off script at the beginning to thank everyone for coming, to thank the Global Fund. and to personally thank THREE amazing women that were in the room and have been the most amazing friends and mentors to me – Barbara Dobkin, Helen LaKelly Hunt, and Pat Mitchell.

My remarks…

“When Musimbi asked me to accept this award I was honestly, in a state of shock. I first said no,  as it is an honor and privilege enough, enough, just to be able to do the work that I do. But then I thought about it and…What an opportunity to share with you an urgent message. Now. Now is the moment to go ALL IN for the advancement of women and girls. Not JUST to LEAN IN (though I love that concept and thank you Sheryl) but to go ALL IN. With all the amazing work that has been done, all the research, all the evidence, all the leadership, all of it, at our back, let’s together go ALL IN and use all our resources, YES our giving dollars (and please give generously to the Global Fund for Women)  but also our investment dollars, and our purchasing power, in greater alignment with our vision to create a more gender balanced world. This moment is about money, it’s about power, it’s about leadership, it’s about changing the world. I have the pleasure as CEO of Women Moving Millions to ask women, men, corporations, to give big and bold to women and girls. It is an easy task for I know this to be true. I know it. That when power is more equitably distributed between men and women. When women and girls have greater access to the resources they need to thrive. When women are more proportionately represented at decision-making tables. When organizations, like the Global Fund for Women are in a place to say, “ no thank you, we really don’t need more money, we are good.” The World will be a more safe, and just and equitable world for everyone.”

My dear friend from Park City, Utah, Susan Weaver, made a very special Wonder Woman Apron to give to the highest pledge of the evening.  Barbara’s husband Eric modeled it for the evening and felt compelled to share that “While Barbara wears the pants in the family, I where the apron.” That was beautiful. Thank you SUSAN for helping us to raise $1.5 million.

Regular readers will also know that I am a huge film lover, and I have pursued this love through my involvement with Impact Partners, my current position on the Board of the Sundance Institute and as an Advisory Board member and investor to Gamechangers, a feature film fund for women directors that is soon to be launched. Last year I Executive Produced my first film, Ready To Fly, and have given grants and invested in many other documentaries such as Miss Representation, Invisible War, and Wonder Women! The Untold Story of American Superheroines, premiering tonight on PBS.

I have watched superheroes dominate the box office for the past several years and hoped that someday Wonder Woman would get her due, but so far those hopes have been in vain.

As I became increasingly frustrated with Wonder Woman’s absence, I figured I could just get mad about it, or, I could try and do something about it. Taking my cue from Wonder Woman, I chose the course of action, and the result is a 60 page report that is being released today. Over two years in the making, this report has been a labor of love, and I hope that people read it and feel compelled to join the cause of getting Wonder Woman to the big screen.

This report chronicles the history of Wonder Woman, her appearances in other media, and most importantly, examines the many factors that have kept her from joining the likes of Superman, Batman, and Spider-Man on screen. I chose this date for the release because tonight is the night that Kristy Guevara-Flanagan’s documentary Wonder Women! The Untold Story of American Superheroines is premiering on PBS, and it is my hope that viewers of this film and Wonder Woman fans everywhere can stand up together to demand an end to Wonder Woman’s absence on the big screen.

To help bring people together, we have set up a Facebook page where people can post their thoughts on what they would like to see in the film and their personal experiences with Wonder Woman. You can find and like the page here to show your support.

Additionally, we have set up a petition that people can sign to demand a Wonder Woman film NOW. The petition can be found here

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/959/341/820/we-want-wonder-woman/

Finally, the report can be found here, in the WW Report section of my site.

Why No Wonder Woman?

When a critical mass of people get behind an issue, history has shown that things can change. Let’s show Warner Brothers and DC Comics that Wonder Woman fans have waited long enough for this film. It’s time for Wonder Woman to get her due, and that time is now.

I love the layered effect, the wave effect, the ripple effect of this organization’s work. The women who create the product, called Rising Artisans, create beautiful homemade crafts providing them with money to support themselves and their families. The product is then sold  by Rising Representatives in the United States, most of whom are  from low income backgrounds themselves. Women like me, like you, then host the parties where the Rising Rep presents and sells.  The monies raised support Rising’s minimal, and I mean minimal, infrastructure costs, the sales representative, and the producing woman. Meanwhile we get to buy really cool goods and feel great about it. This is what you might call a win, WIN, WIIINNNNN. ( you can also buy direct from their web-site.)

Through this partnership, Rising International is building a community of women who are taking charge of their lives, and are helping each other to rise out of poverty by becoming economically self sufficient. Founded by Carmel Jud in 2003 ( pictured) , Rising International looked to the business model of Avon, where 5 million women generate $10 billion in revenue every year by selling Avon products. Imagine the economical and social impact of 5 million women selling products to benefit the world’s poorest women. The possibilities are endless and paradigm shifting.

When Carmel asked me to give the key-note speech, how could I say no?  My remarks followed the logic model of the TED Talk I gave last year. In this speech I talk about the reasons why there is no better time than the present day to address the gender inequalities that exist on every level of life in every country in the world, and do something about it!  While there are many reasons for why now is the right moment, the four primary points I address are:

1) The fact that there is a growing body of research that shows that gender equality is good for economic development, peace, and sustainability. We case has been made! ( see my resource section)

2) That men are recognizing the benefits and importance of gender equality and are joining women to create positive  change. Gender inequality is no longer framed as a women’s issue, it as a human rights and economic development issue.

3) That technology is now playing such an important role in both communicating need, and enabling action.

4) The fact that more and more people are using their money and resources to advance the causes and values in which they most believe.

With all of these factors combined, there has never been a better time to enact real and lasting change for the empowerment of women and girls worldwide.

My speech went on to say that money should not be viewed as a symbol of power, but rather as a powerful tool for social change. Money is not the end game, it is the means. It is high time we rethink about the role that many plays in our lives and in our culture in general.  I asked everyone consider how they are using their financial resources to serve their values and vision.

It is well documented that women make the majority of purchasing decisions in households in the United States. This is why billions of dollars are spent every year in ad campaigns that are targeted directly at women. Imagine how quickly things would change if we were to use that incredible financial power to support women and women’s leadership? If, for example, women were to put their purchasing power behind companies that had a critical mass of women on their boards, and stop buying products from them if they don’t, imagine how quickly corporate boards would diversify.   If you think that is a good idea but are asking yourself how would I know that? Check out Women on Boards 2020 and their corporate directory.  An IPHONE AP is coming!

What I hope people took away from both my speech at Rising International, and from watching my TED Talk, is that a world where women and girls enjoy more equal status at all levels of society is a world that is not only attainable, but one that we all have the power and resources to make happen, today. How we use our financial resources: our giving dollars, our investment dollars, our spending dollars, are key to this vision. When it comes right down to it, there is simply no good reason for the stalled progress of the past decade. It is time for NO EXCUSES, let’s work together for change.

Generously said from Carmel..

Jacki Zehner, CEO of Women Moving Millions delivered the keynote address for our Hands of Hope Luncheon on March 19th. We’ve been producing this luncheon event for 5 years now, and this was by far our most successful event ever.  Jacki’s message was powerful: that we must more fully use our financial resources; our giving, spending and investing dollars, in greater alignment with a vision for a more just and equitable world.  Event attendees have been calling and emailing our office expressing their excitement and conviction for joining Jacki in supporting and empowering women and girls. Jacki Zehner is a powerful speaker with a powerful purpose who is transforming lives, and we are deeply grateful she shared her passionate message at our event.

The year must have been 2000 and I had left my trading position to take on a role in the Executive Office responsible for many areas of human capital management, focussing the Managing Director population.  I had been promoted in to this role in part because of my passion for women’s advancement, and for the culture of the firm in general.  I had organized a visit to London to meet with the high potential women there and had personally reached out to the handful of most senior to ask them to attend a cocktail party. At the cocktail party would be the leadership of the firm and it would be an opportunity to meet and mingle.

One of the most senior women was known for not participating in any of the women’s events, and by her behavior discouraged others from doing so as well. She prided herself, it seemed, for being successful “despite” being a woman.   I personally reached out to her to ensure she would attend sharing that her support of Goldman’s women’s initiatives was important as such things did provide “other” women with opportunities that were meaningful to them. She was rude on the phone and said she would come.

I arrived in London and sure enough, she did not show up at the event.  Her non presence was surely noticed and even joked about by some of the senior men.  Anything we were trying to do there was marginalized.  Here I had a job, a job, where I was to create opportunities for women to share their experiences with the senior leaders of the firm, to get exposure, and she made it all about her.

I was livid. The next day I marched down to her office and asked her why she did not attend.  She said she did not believe in such things, that they further ghettoized women, and she thought any “diversity initiatives” were a waste. I of course disagreed, shared that my job, and many other people’s jobs, were to support and promote diversity and that her actions were unacceptable as a senior leader of the firm.  We literally almost got in to a fist fight.

I went back to New York and news of the “incident” got there before I did.  I virtually went straight in to the head of the division’s office expecting to be consoled and supported and instead I got blasted.  I was truly shell-shocked.  I upset my colleague by pushing my agenda on her I was told. “My agenda?” I asked. Here the whole time I thought it was my job. Here I thought I had been given this promotion as the FIRM thought it was important and that there was no double standard in terms of what they expected of their senior leaders.   I wanted an apology from her and for her to be held accountable.  She wanted my head on a platter.

We talked in detail about the incident and my division head seemingly came around to my viewpoint.  That being that any, any senior person of the firm has an obligation to embrace and support the initiatives that the FIRM puts forward as meaningful, and to not do so would be undermining those very efforts and the people who are responsible for carrying them out.

To me this is a big reason why there has been lack of progress. There have been so many “programs” and “initiatives” that have been created that are not fully supported and worse, sabotaged, by senior leaders and sadly in this case, a senior woman leader.  Why would a more junior employee be involved if her direct manager is telling her otherwise?

So do I blame the women? Only the women, like the one above, who fail to see how much their leadership matters.  I have always believed that as women who have made it, we have an OBLIGATION to work to create more equal access and opportunity even though that may not have been our own experience.  We have to force ourselves to see bias, and if it exists, work as hard as we can to help level the playing field. Can this and does this often cost us in terms of our own career? Yes it can and does, but I for one want to be able to look myself in the mirror and know I did my best not just for myself, but for other women too.

So I left the meeting with my division head feeling supported and  he said he would speak with my colleague in London. I later learned the opposite happened.  That not only was she not reprimanded but I was labeled the troublemaker.  That incident might have been the beginning of the end for me.  The job was hard enough but to not be supported in it, forget it.  As for that woman? Yup, you guessed it. She got promoted and is now one of the most senior leaders of Goldman Sachs.

As many of you know I collect Wonder Woman paraphernalia and I am a huge fan.  It just so happens that Gloria is one of the world’s experts on Wonder Woman. The cuffs you see me wearing were a gift from Gloria and truly, one of most special gifts I have ever received.

Every year the CSW names a priority theme, and this year it was the elimination and prevention of all forms of violence against women and girls. Given the daily newsfeed of violence, rape, and brutality committed against women worldwide, it is about time this issue was named a priority, and the Session concluded with a 17 page Agreed Conclusions document that “condemns in the strongest terms the pervasive violence against women and girls”. This document is the culmination of months of lobbying and two weeks of intense negotiations, and its very existence is a victory in of itself given that last year’s Session failed to come to any agreement. However, amidst the cheers and celebrations of a hard fought battle by women’s rights activists the world over, CSW’s 57th Session serves as a glaring reminder that while the battle may have been won, the war is far from over.

The language of the Agreed Conclusions document was hotly contested by representatives from Russia, Iran, Egypt, and the Holy See, as many of the more conservative countries balked at the suggestion that women are deserving of sexual and reproductive rights, equality in marriage, and that a husband does not have the right to rape his wife. The Muslim Brotherhood of Egypt even released a statement during the negotiations decrying the document, claiming that such language, “if ratified, would lead to the complete disintegration of society.” While these countries hid their objections behind claims of cultural and religious tradition, it is clear that they are simply trying to maintain the status quo at the expense of their women.

Despite the objections and negotiations, a document was agreed to that clearly outlines that violence against women will no longer be tolerated at the international level. The conclusions and agreements of this Session can now be used by governments, activists, and lobbyists as a blueprint for policy changes, educational campaigns, and to spread awareness that women and girls have the fundamental right to live without fear of violence. The document is a momentous victory in the advancement of women and girls worldwide, but the fight for equality continues so long as these sobering statistics remain.

*7 out of 10 women will experience violence in their lifetime, often at the hand of a partner or relative

*In a lifetime, 1 out of 3 women will be victims of sexual or physical abuse

*603 million women live in countries where domestic violence is not considered a crime

*Women between the ages of 15 and 44 are more likely to be killed by violence than by HIV, cancer, malaria, accidents, and war combined

*60 million girls are married off as child brides every year

We should be proud of the agreements reached this year in New York, and I congratulate the government representatives who fought for the rights of their women. However, more importantly, we must make sure that the agreements in this year’s document are used and enforced to enact real and lasting change for women worldwide. As United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon stated, “Violence against women is a heinous human rights violation, global menace, a public health threat and a moral outrage”. For the first time in history, the members of CSW are in agreement on this issue, and the time to act is NOW.

Jacki Zehner and Laura Moore

What are some of Utah’s greatest assets? Just check out the video above to find out. We have a very impressive state- between our National Parks, our world renowned ski areas, golf, biking, hiking, rafting, entertainment… You get the idea! But what makes Utah the great state this it is, is the outstanding level of community involvement and charitable giving.

A recent article published in The Chronicle of Philanthropy  said that Utah is the number one state for charitable giving in the US. Utah families claimed charitable contributions totaling 10.6 percent of their discretionary income. That is 3.5 percentage points ahead of the nearest rival, Mississippi, at 7.2 percent of discretionary income. Utah is also the number one state in the US for volunteering. According to the same report, 45% of Utah residents volunteered in 2008! Yes of course this has much,  much to do with the Mormon Church, but it applies more generally as well.

Our family has taken part in many community events such as the Live PC Give PC day which is a one­‐day virtual event that encourages the community to contribute to local nonprofit organizations through a single online giving platform. Last year summit county raised $595,642 in one day! We also participated in the Hike for Hunger organized by the Park City Christian Center , which is a family event that helps to reduce hungry both locally and globally. My husband and I are honored to serve on their board.  Their thrift store rocks! All counted there are  close to 150 non-profit groups operating in this region.

The reasons for this being todays blog is that March 22nd is LoveUT GiveUT day which marks a day of of unprecedented giving to support the organizations that make Utah special. So how can you get involved with this awesome event? Visit the LoveUT GiveUT webpage- Check out the list of nonprofits participating in the day of giving. Choose the nonprofit that aligns with your values or interests and DONATE! Its a 24-hour event so don’t miss out on your chance to make a difference in your community.

Join the conversation and spread the word on Facebook and Twitter @LoveUTGiveUT and use the #LoveUTGiveUT  hashtag to let your friends know that you are participating!

If you have not yet visited Utah add it to your list.  Whether it be to ski in the winter or hike in the summer, you will not be disappointed.

Should We All “Lean In”? Yes. AND!

Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead,” the part feminist manifesto, part how-to career guide that hit shelves this past week has got everyone talking. It seems the world – or at least 20 to 40-year-old career minded women in the U.S. – is hungry for this kind of advice.

A recent USA Today article calls the book, “a lucidly written, well-argued and unabashedly feminist take on women and work, replete with examples from the author’s life. It draws on the ideas of no less an icon than Gloria Steinem, a Sandberg friend, and on recent research highlighting the double binds women face as they negotiate the corridors of power.”

The TIMES published an exclusive excerpt by Sheryl Sandberg on why she wants women to lean in. The take home point from the article: “It is time for us to face the fact that our revolution has stalled. A truly equal world would be one where women ran half of our countries and companies, and men ran half of our homes. The laws of economics and many studies of diversity tell us that if we tapped the entire pool of human resources and talent, our performance would improve.”

Statistics don’t lie, and today there is an enormous body of compelling evidence that proves that when boardrooms and companies diversify, performance and return on capital improve. That fact alone is what has helped to inspire and fuel my life’s passion regarding the importance of women’s advancement. In fact I just did a whole TED talk on the subject.

However, the above examples are just a fraction of what has been written about “Lean In” and Sandberg, and the picture this debate has painted is appalling in its implications. CNN published a piece about how Sandberg herself, and not the content of the book, has come under the most scrutiny, while Anna Holmes of the New Yorker outlined the scathing backlash that “Lean In” has prompted. Indeed, the criticisms have come fast and furious from all directions, from outright claims of failure, to those skeptical of Sandberg’s true intentions.

Gallingly, Holmes notes that many of these detractors, so quick to criticize, had not even read the book before writing their condemnations. Clearly Sandberg has hit a nerve, and sadly the response so far has only served to further expose just how deeply entrenched sexism is in today’s world.

Perhaps Paul Krugman put it best when he said that the response to “Lean In” reveals how “unprepared we are to have women as a full part of our society.” The attacks on Sandberg’s credibility as an advocate for women expose the sad reality that successful and ambitious women are still viewed as an anomaly instead of something to which many women can aspire. A recent study found that the more successful a man becomes, the more he is liked, while the more successful a women becomes, the more she is disliked.

Sheryl Sandberg may be one of the most powerful and wealthiest women in the world, enjoying privileges that most women can only dream of, but this does not invalidate her story or her message. With “Lean In” and its accompanying Lean In Circles movement, Sandberg is encouraging women to step up, to take an active role in their lives, and to create a social network of encouragement and support that will hopefully reach women in all walks of life. This is something that should be celebrated, not attacked.

Sheryl is using her unique platform to tell her truth. It is our choice whether or not to listen. That said, I think there is a lot more to the question “Why are women not succeeding in business at a higher rate?”

I worked at Goldman Sachs for fourteen years and experienced many a ‘lean in ‘ moment. You can read my story on the Lean In website. This platform was created as a global space for women to share their stories and to be inspired to lean in to their ambitions. My story is about the day I did the biggest trade of my career. In fact, it made my career. I sold over a billion mortgage-backed securities to one client.

Though I was able to achieve incredible success at a very young age, what was true for me was not true for many other women. What I personally witnessed was not women not trying, but rather women not being given the same opportunities to succeed as their male counterparts. In my recent TED talk I addressed the main reasons that are given for why women have failed to progress.

The reasons so often cited fall into the following buckets:

• Not enough women and minorities are available and entering with the “right” backgrounds to prepare them for a career in finance – the pipeline issue
• Women “opted out” because of the long hours, family demands and travel – the worklife/motherhood issue
• They were not good at their jobs – the performance issue
• They were not being mentored or helped along the way – the sponsorship issue
• And lastly, and harder to frame or explain or target, they just seemed to encounter various bumps or barriers due to differences in expectations, style, attitudes – or otherwise put norms – the other issue

As you can see we women, we have a lot of issues. After last week we now have another issue to add, the “leaning in” issue. Do women need to step forward and not away? Of course. Have I seen women “leave before they leave”? Yes. But to me the bigger challenge, the much bigger challenge is the last one I listed.

In most large firms dealing with women’s ‘issues’ was framed diversity as a problem that needed to be solved, rather than as an opportunity that needed to be embraced and empowered. So what firms did, are still doing, is by and large aimed at the first four buckets. Address the pipeline, fix the women, help them navigate the system and offer flex-time options.

Let me be clear: All of that has helped and should be celebrated, but increasingly I became fixated with the system itself. Fixated on the ‘other issues’, issues which were deeply embedded in belief systems and unconscious biases and norms, which lead to gender stereotyping, but were much harder to see and address. At the heart of it was a dominant belief in a properly working meritocracy, when really it heavily favored those who fit a particular mold.

So, in 2002 I left Goldman, where I had been working for 14 years, and that had given me first hand knowledge of the challenges in reaching a critical mass of women in leadership. I left for many, many reasons, but one of the main reasons is that I got very tired and very frustrated trying to create the shift that was needed to truly make progress. That shift is not seeing women as the problem, but the solution. That shift is in acknowledging that the playing field is not on its own level, and that you must work very intentionally to make it that way.

That’s why I celebrate, truly celebrate, that Sandburg put herself out there with the clear intention of helping women. Read away and lean away. But know that chances are the company you are working for, the system itself, needs to work a lot harder to ensure that your efforts are fully recognized, valued and rewarded. Leadership needs to be held accountable for creating as much transparency in the workplace as possible, so that true talent and hard work gets its just reward.

Nobody understands this more than authors Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix, and they have written several books over the years outlining how to foster and encourage healthy and satisfying relationships in today’s ever complicated modern world. Their latest book, Making Marriage Simple, is being released today, and it focuses on ten simple truths that they have discovered within their own marriage that can help any couple become a better partnership.

Helen and Harville  have come by this knowledge through years of working in the field of marriage therapy, as they have been advocating for better relationships for over thirty years through workshops, lectures, and counseling. In 1980, Harville developed Imago Relationship Therapy, and began encouraging couples to work through their problems from a relationship point of view as opposed to an individualistic one. Together with Helen, they have authored over half a dozen books on the topics of marriage and love, and in the process they have helped thousands of couples find more meaning and impact in their relationships.

A recent National Survey of Family Growth found that half of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce, and that the probability of a first marriage lasting for more than ten years in only 1 in 15. With these kinds of statistics, we all could use a few tips on how to keep our relationships going, because life is a grand adventure that can be made better when shared with a loving partner.

You may be wondering why I keep saying Helen and Harville, suggesting that we are good friends or something.  Well we are.  Many of you reading this know that Helen, the incredible Helen, is the co-founder of Women Moving Millions.  Heaven knows what I would be dong at this moment if it were not for Helen. Helen surprised us all last week at our board retreat by saying, “by the way, I have a new book coming out next week.”  She said she wanted to write a book that was for everyone! And that it is.  Within minutes of getting on my plane home, I was in to it and full of take-aways that I could not wait to share with my husband of 17 years. This book is a gift to us all! I guarantee it will be a best seller so buy it now, read it, and give it to all your loved ones!

There are a few people you meet  that truly change the direction of your life, and Helen is at the top of the list.  While nurturing and growing Women Moving Million, and doing a million other things, she wrote this book and is truly on a mission to strengthen marriages around the world. She often says some of the most meaningful work she does is one on one with couples.  Doing any one of these things does not define who she is. She is many things – a philanthropic instigator and visionary, a mother to six, a wife, a best selling author, a dear friend.   In this timely conversation about women doing it all , and Leaning In, we need to further lift up the stories of women, like Helen, who truly define what living a robust, meaningful, and  accomplished life is all about.

PS – Though we are celebrating Helen’s new book, “Faith and Feminism: A Holy Alliance”  will always be my personal favorite!

Picture was taken at our board retreat last week. ( thanks to Laura Moore for her help in writing this piece)