My Angel, Sadie.

As published on LinkedIn Influencers on May 19th, 2019.

If you are looking for an article about how to rock it in your career, the latest report on gender equality, or lessons learned from my years at Goldman Sachs, this is not it. This article is much more personal in nature, it’s about my grandmother. 

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Today is my grandmother Sadie’s birthday. If she were still living, she would be 102 years old.  She did almost make it to 100, having passed away 5 years ago at the age of 97.  To say she was an amazing woman would be an understatement: she was pretty much perfect.

My sister and I were her first two grandchildren. Our parents would often take us to Vernon, a 30-minute drive from our home in Kelowna, British Columbia, to spend the weekends with her and our grandfather.   Although she worked during the week as a cleaning lady, when we visited, the weekends were all about us.  

She would take us to Polson Park where she would lay out a blanket so we could have a picnic lunch and eat her cucumber sandwiches. The afternoons would be spent swimming in the public park, chasing the geese around the pond, and playing hide-and-seek in the gardens.

We would go for walks in to town to have coffee with her friends at the 5 and dime, stopping at the candy store on the way home. At her home we would bake bread, and my favorite, cinnamon buns, her having risen early to prepare the dough and let it rise. 

If she did need to have some alone time, my sister and I would head to the basement and play grocery store for hours. Grandma would save the cans and boxes from various items, and we would play customer and cashier.  We were both well prepared for our future part-time jobs in retail. 

During the evenings we would take turns sprawling across her lap as we watched something on television. She would often have two sets of feet to rub, with my sister and I arguing about who was getting the better massage. When it came to rubbing our backs, we would count strokes to make sure we were each getting fair treatment.  We would often go to sleep with her in the middle, each of us nestled in to an armpit that smelled of love and safety.

There was only one time that I remember Grandma getting upset and spanking me. My sister and I were playing outside with the garden hose, spraying each other and running away. She thought it a good idea to run inside for safety, and I thought it was a good idea to follow her in with the hose at full throttle. It goes without saying that Grandma was not happy. I know for sure it hurt her more than it hurt me to get that spanking. She loved us unconditionally. 

This is only capturing the tiniest slice of the memories I have. Well, we have, as my sister helped with some recollections.  There are more memories about how she would come see us in Kelowna to help my mother with housework and laundry as she worked full-time, as did my dad. There is the making of traditional Ukrainian food with her, including cabbage rolls and pierogies.  And of course eating it all. And the endless card games and rounds of tile rummy we played. She loved to cheat by the way.  As I type, more and more memories are flooding back to me. And they are all good.  She was pretty much perfect. 

Of course I grew older, as did she, but we kept in regular contact over the phone, via letters (never email), and in person visits on my countless trips home. When I stopped working full-time and was able to spend summers in British Columbia with my children starting in 2002, we would regularly visit her, first in her home, and later in evolving levels of care facilities.  

Towards the end of her life, when she shared a room with other elderly people, our visits would usually occur in the common rooms. We would play tile rummy, drink tea, and I would enthusiastically humiliate myself just to make her laugh. Those visits got hard as we would have to leave her in the care of others, though awesome as they were, were not family. Moving in with my mom, who tended for her so well, and loved her to the moon and back, was not an option for her. She never wanted to be a burden. 

At Easter time in 2014, right before she passed, I thought it was a really good idea to bring along some bunny eared headbands. I hopped around entertaining the residents and made her laugh so hard I think she may have peed her pants.  I know I did. 

What I know for sure is that she prayed for her family every night. She prayed for our health, for our safety, for our happiness. She shared how she would name us all, one by one, her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and I never doubted the power of her prayers.   Of course we grieved her passing, but every member of her family, everyone who knew her, knew how lucky we all were for having her in our lives for so long. At 97, she was ready to go.

It was around that time that I started to see the numbers 111 or 1111, show up all the time. Back then, 5 ish years ago, when I saw them I would just make a ‘note to self ‘ on how odd it seemed. An example of this would be just glancing at my phone to check the time, and sure enough, 11:11.  Frankly I did not think anything of it until I saw a weird thing on a conference agenda, a session starting at 1:11 pm. I thought it was a typo and called it out to the organizer. She informed me that it was quite intentional, as there was a deep spiritual meaning to that number sequence. Say, what? I immediately googled it, and sure enough, this is what it said.   

Number 111 symbolizes the principles of spiritual awakening and enlightenment, high energy, inspiration and intuition, self-expression and sensitivity. Angel Number 111 is a message from your angels to be very aware of your persistent thoughts and ideas as these are manifesting quickly into your reality.

Holy shit. I immediately knew, just knew, that the 111s I had been seeing so many times, countless times, were indications of connection and love from my grandmother. I just knew it. She was my angel.  She was sending me messages, letting me know she was still there, praying for me, watching over me and my family.  Now I get that you might think this is a little wack-o-doodle but think what you will. 

But there is more to it. Unbeknownst to me, my daughter had also been noting seeing 111s all the time and not saying anything about it until one day, I said aloud, when I happened to glance at the clock at 1:11, and say “grandma.” She asked me what I was talking about, I shared, and she shared that she too had feelings about the significance of those moments but did not know what to connect it to. From that day forward, which was a few years ago, when we see 111s show up we say something aloud, we take a screen shot, we share, we connect and give thanks. 

But there is more too it. Today my grandma would have turned 102. Last night, having fallen asleep at 11 ish, dead tired, I woke up only to roll over and look at the clock, 1:11 am.  I do wake up a lot in the middle of the night, but not usually before 3 am. This was very unusual. 

So I know this. I know I was blessed to have had a truly incredible grandmother who graced my life with her love, her compassion, her cooking, her generosity, her wisdom and so much more. I know she is still somewhere, continuing to watch over me and my family. There are angels, and one of their names is Sadie Malysh.

How To Not Run Out Of Money

As published on LinkedIn Influencers on April 11th, 2019.

This article is primarily about the non-profit sector, and in particular it is for those who have have a responsibility for raising money, including board members. That being said, many of the principles and strategies mentioned in this article absolutely apply to the for profit business sector as well, especially social change startups, because let’s face it, no one wants to run out of money. However, when you have vulnerable populations depending on the programs and services your organization funds, this issue is particularly critical. Especially when you understand the scope of the non-profit sector in the United States.

There are currently over 1.5 million non-profit organizations in the United States that employ over 14 million people. One of the most difficult positions to staff and retain for these organizations is that of a fundraiser, with both turnover and burn-out rates being incredibly high. Fundraising and development is a highly skilled, crucial, and essential position, and yet very few schools offer degrees for this specialty. If we want the non-profit sector to operate in such a way as to maximize their impact, we have to address this knowledge and experience gap by preparing, training and supporting talented individuals specifically for these roles. Non-profits help to improve the quality of life for our most vulnerable and underserved populations, but in doing so, they also help us all as a nation. This is why it is for all of our sakes that we have to do this better.

I’ve written about this issue before ( “If you know how to ask people for money you will have a job for life”), but I decided to write this article because I recently received one of “those” emails from one of my favorite non-profits. By “those” I mean an email stating that they were facing a budget shortfall and a cashflow issue, and they were asking if I could jump on a call to discuss what to do. I have a long history with this organization and I hold a deep love and respect for them, and frankly I was surprised to receive this email and immediately agreed to a call. Not only that, but I pulled in a favor and asked my dear friend Kathy LeMay if she could join the call as well. If you’ve never heard of Kathy, allow me to take a moment to explain why I asked this favor of her.

Quite simply, Kathy is a fundraising guru. She is one of the most knowledgeable, purpose-driven, and beautiful people I have ever met. She has been a mentor to me on my philanthropic journey for a decade, and in 2018, she stepped in to be the interim Executive Director for Women Moving Millions and did an amazing job. Truly an amazing job. This week she well be joining The Global Fund as their Senior Advisor of Strategic Philanthropy in Geneva, Switzerland, and I wish her nothing but the very best in this endeavour. They are incredibly lucky to have her. But before she crossed the pond, she graciously said yes to join me on the aforementioned call, and the content of the conversation was too important not to share. Afterwards, I asked Kathy a few additional questions about fundraising and development, and her answers were both illuminating and inspired. 

JZ: Kathy, when we jumped on the phone with the organization you did not jump right into questions such as when do you run out of money? How much do you need? Who are your top donors you can ask for money? Instead, the first question you asked was to describe their history around fundraising. Why start there?

KLM: When there’s a budget shortfall or cash flow crisis, the instinct is to immediately talk money. How to get it, where it’s going to come from, who can give it. I understand that instinct. Unfortunately, chasing money won’t solve the problem. You may meet a short-term funding gap, but you won’t have created a long-term solution, and in the process, you may damage trusted relationships with donors that may be fatigued by being asked for a rescue.

The better approach is this. Take a deep breath, step back, and assess your organization’s fundraising culture. It’s likely that you didn’t wake up one morning and realize that you were short on cash; that reality has been building up for a while. Now ask yourself these questions: 

  1. How would I characterize our organization’s fundraising culture?
  2. Does the lion’s share of fundraising live with one leader?
  3. Is relationship-building and raising money a team effort? 
  4. What five words would I use to describe our fundraising culture? 
  5. Did we grow programs with a corresponding revenue strategy, or did we grow programs and think, “The work is so good and we’ve raised funds thus far. We’re sure the money will be there”?

I’ve asked these questions to literally hundreds and hundreds of organizations. What I’ve found is that when you answer them honestly, you’re already well on your way to create a long-term solution to a short-term problem.

JZ: I love question number 4, what five words would you use to describe the fundraising culture? I am sure you have heard a very long list of responses. Once they have them in front of them, then what? Especially when they are in a challenging situation. 

KLM: The organization has to ask itself, “Will these qualities get us where we want to go?” These qualities may have helped them go from bootstrap to growing, but perhaps they are not the right ones to move the organization forward. 

All involved should connect and talk about what five qualities they need in a fundraising culture for great donor relationship building and mission-fulfillment. Additionally, they can now bring this conversation to donors. For example, “we know we need to make some changes for sustainability. What got us to where we are won’t get us to where we’re going. We want to be open and transparent with you about this shift and we thank you for sticking with us as we improve and strengthen our internal capacities.”

JZ: What are the most common reasons you see with respect to an organization not being able to make their budget?

KLM: There are a few circumstances where not being able to make budget is out of an organization’s control, such as national or international crises, disasters that divert funds to other causes, a stock market dip or crash, and/or a large gift promised but not actualized.

However, generally, the primary reason non profits don’t make their budget is that they don’t prioritize donor relationship building and resource mobilization. They often hire a Director of Development and say, “Great, now that person can bring in the money and we will be set.” They don’t see that person as leading an effort for long-term financial health and wellness, or as building a community of engaged and valued supporters. Instead, they see the position as a magic bullet to take care of their budget stress. 

I once put myself in a position where I did just that. I was tasked to raise a certain amount of money for an organization, and even though I knew I was the magic bullet, I chose to ignore my own instincts. The organization was still having trouble making budget after many, many years in business. It’s still so easy to think that one person will make money fall from the sky, and while that sometimes does happen, it’s not a long-term solution. What happens if that rainmaker leaves? How well cared for are the current donors? Have we really created the conditions for mission fulfillment? I still regret having taken that magic bullet role. Our culture wants the great rainmaker because it’s a great story, but the reality is that it’s a story of one heroine versus a story of smart strategy, thoughtful engagement, and leadership. 

So here’s what I’ve learned. There’s no one person coming to save a mission or an organization. Leave behind this idea of the great fundraiser who will save the day, and instead focus on leadership and an organizational culture that priorities donor relationship building and mission making. ( JZ’s editorial. Heck yes!)

JZ: You presented a path forward for the organization we spoke to, which of course may not be applicable to every organization that finds themselves in this position, but can you describe that path?

KLM: First and foremost, be honest about your fundraising culture. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Detach from the emotionality of it. Look at it objectively. Write the five words up describe your current culture on a giant piece of paper and talk it through with colleagues and board members. It’s likely that this culture got you this far. Be grateful for it. Agree to hold on to the best of what you do (i.e. donor stewardship), and then shed what no longer works. Now, list the five words or phrases that you want to describe your fundraising culture moving forward. Examples include transparent, robust, donor-focused, shared responsibility, and rooted in abundance.

Once you have your five, begin to map out what practices, habits, and protocols you will need to put in place to actualize each one of them. Pay attention to which practices you’re saying goodbye to and which are replacing them. Ask yourself who’s responsible for taking leadership on each. While this may get balked at (ie. “Fundraising isn’t my job”), here’s a few things to remember: 

  1. We rarely ask one person to run a program with no input or support from others in the organization. Major gifts is a program. It needs the same support. If it didn’t, non profits wouldn’t be in pretty consistent budget shortfalls and cash flow crises. 
  2. While asking for money isn’t everyone’s job, building a culture of sustainability is in everyone’s best interest. We can each contribute our thinking capital towards best practices for a healthy and well run organization. 
  3. You don’t have to ask for money to be part of fundraising. You merely need to bring your best ideas and thoughts about how to leave behind a culture of stress and strain around money and replace it with calm and possibility. 

Once you’ve had these discussions internally and have the beginnings of a road map, share this with your must trusted donors and supporters. Remember, donors want non-profits to achieve mission fulfillment. They also understand that getting there is more than just great programming. They know non-profits have to build systems that will help the mission soar. Enroll and engage them around this piece. They will bring good, smart ideas to the table, and they will see you leading as a mission maker and not merely chasing money. 

JZ: Any final words of wisdom for readers, and especially professional fundraisers that may be reading this?

KLM: Great fundraising cultures don’t happen. They need to be built. They require leadership. If you’re in a development role, this is your leadership opportunity. I often speak about the difference between the profession of fundraising and the profession of mission makers. Where fundraisers are tasked with chasing money, pitching to donors, and funding a budget, mission makers pursue values alignment, radically listen to donors, and aim to fulfill a mission. If you build trusted, values-driven relationships, the money will follow. Remember, donors want your organization to succeed. That being said, their job is not to rescue you. Your organization is not owed loyalty and support. We earn it by putting values and mission first, listening to donors, and determining how we can help them achieve philanthropic success with the mission we love. If you follow this approach, you may have a few budget bumps along the way, but you will be able to say goodbye to the cycle of cash flow crises. You will also have gone a long way in showing donors that you are committed to building the kind of organization that make a mission come alive.   

As you can tell, Kathy is a total rockstar in her field. Please visit Kathy’s company site, Raising Change, for more about her work and advice on fundraising and development. If you want to dig deeper, she just launched a digital Master Class on Fundraising, and I cannot recommend it enough. All details can be found on her website. I was one of the first people to sign-up. 

I hope this piece has inspired you to think more critically about the role of fundraising and development in the non-profit sector. If you are currently working in this field I salute you. Your work is essential not just to the organization you are specifically working for, but to the overall health of our economy and society, and I hope the words of advice above can make your incredibly important job just a little bit easier.

Enough with the non-apology, apologies. Here is how to do it right.

From CBS News.

As published on LinkedIn Influencers on April 6th, 2019.

Enough with the non-apology, apologies. ENOUGH!

This has been REALLY annoying me for a while, the non-apology, apology. What the heck is wrong with people? Seriously. I was up early this morning watching the CBS Morning News and up pops Joe Biden saying that he was sorry, not sorry. * Enough already!

Biden is certainly not the only powerful person to do this, the list is long indeed. If my favorite non-profit had a dollar for every time someone famous, or not famous, did this they would cover their annual budget pretty quickly. In my view, when leaders don’t do a proper apology it not only embarrasses and discredits them, but it also sets a very bad example for young and old people alike. We are quickly becoming a culture of the lowest common denominator, and I hate it. Apologize, or don’t apologize, but enough of these conditional, half-assed, blame the victim, blame the good intentions, pass the buck non-apologies. Enough.

So rather than listing all the ways NOT to do an apology, below is a wonderful framework for how to do an apology right. It is pulled from a new bookWhat Awesome Looks Like: How to Excel in Business and In Life, by Amy Rees-Anderson. Amy was the founder and CEO of MediConnect Global Inc., a medical software business she sold for nearly $400 million a few years ago. I interviewed Amy about her book this past week in Salt Lake City, and I will be posting more on that wonderful interview, but this post it is all about one thing, how to do an apology right. 

It is important to note that we all make mistakes. All of us. For me personally mistakes have presented my biggest growth opportunities. One of the many reasons that I am taking a gap-year of sorts is to process, learn, and improve the way I interact with people. Improvement will only be possible, change is only possible, and sustainable, if there is honesty, self-reflection, intention and accountability around it, to oneself and to others.

As you can tell, I’m fired up.

So here are Amy’s Six A’s of a Proper Apology:

1) Admit – I made a mistake

2) Apologize – I am sorry for making the mistake.

3) Acknowledge – I recognize where I went wrong that caused the mistake.

4) Attest – I plan to do the following to fix the mistake, on this specific timeline.

5) Assure – I will put the following protections in place to ensure that I do not make the same mistake again.

6) Abstain – Never repeat the same mistake twice.

Read them again. Print them out. Post them on a wall at the office and at home. Carry a picture of them on your phone. Share them. The next time you are about to apologize for something put your words and intentions up against this framework to test it. If you move forward and make the apology then make sure you live up to it. When someone gives you a non-apology, apology, don’t accept it and give the person an opportunity to do it right or not do it at all. Challenge them, don’t just let it slide by. When a person does give you a proper apology, and over time lives in to it, acknowledge it. Furthermore, when a person in a powerful position does it, let it affect your willingness to buy their products, go to their movies, work for them, or vote for them. It’s time to raise the bar. Enough with lowering it.

 Enough with these non-apologies, apologies. Enough. We can do better. 

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* For those of you that may not be pop music fans, that is a reference to Demi Lovoto’s hit song, watch here .

PS – If someone has the editing talent to mash-up the video/song Sorry, Not Sorry with video clips from the long list of leaders that have done this I promise to share it.   For inspiration see the Taylor Swift / Goat video which makes me LOL every single time.